War!

I have declared war. I know it is a drastic step, and I don't take it lightly. I am sure many of you who read my Christmas missive (thanks Suzi for your backhanded complement about the blog!) are surprised that I have given up my preference for negotiations, but the other side is impossible. And it is a war I can't win, given the eons of history that prove my foe can outlast me. But I must fight anyway.

How did I get into this situation? Well, it came to a head last night after coming home from a concert inaugurating Kaohsiung's new 35,000 seat stadium they built for the World Games that

they are hosting starting July 16th. It is architecturally beautiful as can be seen in the pictures. They invited the Pittsburgh Symphonic Orchestra to kick things off and the orchestra was magnificent in their rendering of William Tell's Overture accompanied at the appropriate times with celebratory fireworks. I felt like a kid again listening to the Long Ranger on the radio. So accompanied by our office manager and friend, Janet, the evening started off well. But I digress.

I get home last night and what do I find on the bathroom floor but another big cockroach on its back, dying I might gleefully add. These aren't small cockroaches I might add; these invaders are at least two inches long and ugly. This discovery would have been OK except earlier in the day, as I was cleaning the the strainer in the kitchen sink, I discovered another cockroach (I assume) trying to eat the garbage from underneath through the holes in the strainer. Obviously, it had come up through the drainage system, the way they invade my abode as I had previously discovered. I immediately sprung to action and attempted to drown the sucker in a steady stream of water from the spigot. It fought valiantly as it tried to hang on to the sides of the drain, but I prevailed and celebrated my victory. Later, I realized it was probably Pyrrhic, as I flushed it down the drain from whence it had come.

Well two cockroaches in one day was too much. I had dreams that these creatures would come in under the cover of darkness and crawl all over me as I slept. This was unacceptable, so I declared an unwinnable war.

As I teach in my graduate classes here, I had to develop a plan. But what would be my objective so that I could have a measurable outcome? I decided seeing no cockroaches in our villa for a week would be an acceptable start. How could I best accomplish this objective? Duh, keeping them outside! So I looked around for the enemies' likely entry points and I discovered we have nine drains in the house (in each of the two bathrooms there is one in the tub, one in the sink, and as I previously explained one in the floor; in the kitchen there is a drain in each of the two sinks; and there is a drain for the wash machine in the laundry room). So I have put poison in each drain. I don't care if there is an invasion of cockroaches in every other room in the dormitory as long as they leave me alone. I know they will outlast me in this guerrilla warfare, but if I can hold them off for four more weeks, I will declare victory and go home.

My apologies to Dostoevsky and any additional advice on how to fight this battle will be greatly appreciated.